![]() ![]() So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. "You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay." "Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina."Ī guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell.Ī drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name." The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a ballerina?" Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me." She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits. The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"Ī good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned." "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?" When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned." "Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me." The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"Ī drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again." The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?" To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend." When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day." The man replies, "I said that my johnson was bigger than his and he laughed…then I showed it to him."Ī guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?" ![]() The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."Īfter a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. ![]() He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."Ī man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.Īfter a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. "So, teach it to cook and then get the hell out."Ī farmer walks into a bar with a horse. "Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands. ![]() The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door. The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. "That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me." The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later. The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad." An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"Ī young guy walks into a bar. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.įinally, the third man goes down. The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." ![]()
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